You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
