no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
