Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
