I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
