Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
