I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
