He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
