If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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