Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
