you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
