im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
