i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
