8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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