You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
