so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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