Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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