remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
