It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
