is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
