Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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