Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
