I wish I only lived at night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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