jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
