I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
