U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
