She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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