She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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