As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
