Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
