I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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