i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
