As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
