I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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