I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
