D3 body, D1 cock
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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