I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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