I'm going to jail i love you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
