i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize