i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
