wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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