I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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