The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
