it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
