I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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