Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
