the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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