Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
