just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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