He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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