Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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