I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
