you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
