bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
