I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
