You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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