its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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