one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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