Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
