apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she told me i tasted like america
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
