i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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