this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
