my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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