Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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