I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
