I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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