I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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