Someone shit on the floor
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
