fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
