Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
