He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
